How to use an iPod
by Demented Insane Spirit
Summary: Bakura has killed men before, but even he cowers before technology, especially computers. Just how will he cope with an iPod? Humor!


DIS: As it happens, even though I've recently dropped into my romance/drama phase, I still like reading/writing humor stories. I've simply drained that particular well. So, skipping past my original idea for this next part in the series, _How to annoy Seto Kaiba, _here is _this_ one. Hehehe...

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_Title: How to use an iPod_

_Rating: T for foul language_

_Genre: Humor_

_Summary: Bakura has killed men before, but even he cowers before technology, especially computers. Just how will he cope with an iPod? Humor!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, but as it happens, I own this series of one-shots. _

_Notes/Warnings: One-shot; humor_

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_How to use an iPod_

Christmas had gone by and Bakura was, to say the least, bored. Ryou had been tinkering around with his new things and the only thing Bakura got was a very ugly sweater that had a very ugly purple dinosaur on it. He had a feeling he was missing out on some joke that referred to the sweater.

In any case, as he waited for Ryou to return from his holiday vacation with his father (which Bakura wasn't allowed to go to,) he decided to dig through his abiou's things. It was a past time that he thoroughly enjoyed. Thoughtfully, he threw things over his shoulder and he dug through Ryou's dresser. Warily, he glanced behind him as he heard the rumbling of Ryou's brand-new Dell desktop computer. _I really don't trust that thing, _he thought.

His hand brought out a blue, rectangular thingy and he stared at it and looked at the wires that were wrapped around it. "What the hell is this?" He muttered. He turned it around and saw a tiny, half-eaten apple on the back with the word, iPod beneath it. "i...Pod..." Bakura read. He smirked to himself. "I told Yami that I could read! Even he isn't as advanced in his English as I am!" He laughed to himself and then grabbed the iPod and the ear buds that hung from it and sat at the computer, vaguely remembering Ryou messing around with this at his computer.

Grabbing the mouse and banging it on the desk, (he still refused to properly learn how to use a computer,) the screen turned on. Peering around on the desktop, Bakura found iTunes and deciding that looked a lot like iPod, touched the icon with his finger.

Nothing happened.

"Goddammit, WORK!" He poked the screen hard and then let out a howl as his finger was jammed. He held his finger, whimpering, and then shot the computer screen a lethal look. "If you don't work, I'll MAKE you work, you filthy son of a bitch!" He slammed a hand on the keyboard and, as it happened, he pressed the enter key and iTunes was already highlighted. Just as he was about to bring upon his unholy fury on the computer screen, iTunes popped up and Bakura let out a feminine shriek.

He glanced around, making sure no one heard him and then peered at iTunes. "(o.o) Huh...There are a lot of big words here...(x.x) Hmm..." He took the mouse and started clicking random things, deleted them and changing the names and such. Then, suddenly, the screen filled with the EVIL ERROR BLUE SCREEN. "(O.O) Oh, shit, that can't be good. Uh..." He pressed every key on the keyboard, the Escape key being last. Suddenly the computer shut down and then restarted. "Um..."

BEEP BEEP

(o.o)...

YOU HAVE 43,292 VIRUSES! IT IS IMPLIED THAT iTUNES IS CORRUPT. NOW DELETING iTUNES AND ALL MUSIC, PHOTOS, AND VIDEOS.

"(x.X) That REALLY doesn't look good," Bakura muttered, pressing the Esc key as a tiny bar with the word 'DELETING' above it appeared. He knew at least THAT word and he doubted Ryou would be very happy about that.

NO, I WILL NOT ESCAPE.

"Are you talking back to me, bitch?" Bakura muttered, pressing the glowing button in the middle of the tower, knowing that he could turn the computer off that way.

NO, I WILL NOT SHUT DOWN, EITHER.

"(o.o)...WHAT THE HELL, TURN OFF!"

I SAID THAT I WILL NOT TURN OFF.

"Aw, screw you, then," Bakura grumbled, turning the screen off. "If it gets deleted, it gets deleted. I'm sure Ryou has the stuff somewhere else." He turned in the chair and looked at the iPod again, curious. He pressed the menu button and the screen turned on. "Whoa. Hehehe, cool light." He pressed the back button and then the pause button, thinking he could go down. Frowning, he watched as nothing happened. (Or, not that he could see.) "Damn thing, I said go down. Nothing listens to me..." He pressed the same button and again, nothing happened. He accidentally slid his finger to the right and his eyes bugged out as the words zoomed away. "EEK!!" He removed his finger and gawked as it continued. "It's...IT'S POSSESSED!" The iPod finally stopped and he stared at it, waiting for when it would start talking or saying, "Fuck me, fuck me!" like that crazy lady on that freaky movie.

He poked the center button and the song started playing. Experimentally, he glided his finger to the right again and he heard the screaming voices of the song, "Forever Young," from somewhere below him and jumped up, knocking the chair behind him. "Errr...SHOW YOURSELF, DEMON!" _Someone once said that to me, _Bakura thought. _I'm pretty sure it was Yami...Wait a minute, why am I thinking about that? THERE IS SOMETHING BELOW ME TRYING TO TALK! _

Bakura cast his eyes downward and saw the ear buds. Picking them up, he winced as the screaming of the girly boy voice came from them. He turned the volume down and shivered. He pressed the back button, but it only changed to another song. Frowning, he rapidly pressed the button and then it froze. "(oO) Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no...Start working, please..." He jabbed the center blue button and began to panic when it refused to work for him. "Dammit, there must be something wrong with it inside." He brightened. He knew how to take things apart really quite well.

Bakura left the iPod on the desk and returned with a drill which he plugged into the socket. He placed the iPod on the floor and grinned. "Time to fix you, my little, worthless friend."

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Ryou returned, smiling, and in good spirits. When he came to his room, though, the door wouldn't open. Frowning, he called, "Bakura, are you in there? You know I don't like you in my room when I'm gone."

"There is no such man that exists!" Bakura answered from behind the door. "Now please leave my house! My name is, uh, Jackie Chan!"

"(x.x) Bakura, you are NOT Jackie Chan. Why won't you open the door? Did you ruin something?" Ryou suddenly thought of his brand new iPod. "BAKURA! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

"I TOLD YOU, YOU HAVE THE WRONG HOUSE!"

"BAKURA, I SWEAR TO GOD THAT – "

"Well, if you're swearing to God, it doesn't apply to me because I'm Egy – I mean...Buddhist. Chinese are Buddhist, right? Yeah, they're Buddhist...So you have to swear to Buddha! HA!"

"...(-.-) I'm going to get the drill, then."

"HA! Outsmarted you again! Since I am Ba...Jackie Chan. And I kick ass!"

"(-.-)"

"I have the drill in here!"

"And WHY is the drill in there?"

"..."

"Hello? Did you go through the window again?" Ryou rapped on the door. "Why is the drill in there??"

"...Wouldn't YOU like to know?"

"(OO) BAKURA, LET ME IN!"

"Or you'll huff and you'll puff by the hairs on your chinny chin chin? As if. And I TOLD you, I don't know this Bakura you speak of! I AM JACKIE CHAN! HYAA!" There was a thump that Ryou suspected was Bakura karate-chopping the door because he let out a crude curse. Ryou looked around and grabbed the knife that was nearby and started to pick the lock. When he unlocked it, he had to push against the door since his dresser was against it. Bakura was starting towards the window as he got in.

"AUUUGGHHH!!! MY iPOD!!!! WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT?" Ryou howled, staring at his thoroughly mutilated iPod.

"(o.o) Uh..." Bakura glanced to the window and ran to it, throwing it open. "See ya!" Ryou grabbed at him as he fell down into the bushes.

CRACK.

"OH, HOLY RA AND OSIRIS! I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING!"

"ONCE I GET DOWN THERE, IT'S NOT GOING TO 'SOMETHING' THAT'S BROKEN, MORE LIKE 'EVERYTHING'!!!!"

"(OoO'')" Bakura fled, even though his butt hurt from having broken a glass cup that was in the bush. _Note to self, _Bakura thought as he jogged as far away from Ryou's house as he could, _when Ryou isn't at home, get the hell out of there because you'll probably do something stupid and piss him off. Going out the window is getting really old. _

FIN

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DIS: Well, there you have it. Hehehe, poor Bakura-kun. He really does have a lot of problems with computers. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please leave a review on your way out telling me whether you liked it or not. Ciao!


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